The Most Terrifying Decision…

So, it is nearing Halloween and when I say nearing I mean it’s tomorrow. Is it just me or does it not feel like Halloween at all? If my sister were here, she’d be playing scary movies and putting up decorations but she’s in San Fran getting her degree to become a pharmacist, so good luck to her! To be honest, I’ve been trying to stay away from Halloween movies (especially Hocus Pocus)  because it just makes me miss her.

So in the spirit of Halloween, I decided to tell you guys about a decision that I’ve been mulling over that truly is terrifying, at least for me. As you all know, I am majoring in Secondary Ed. (teaching) specializing in English and… I haven’t really been enjoying the process and thinking about doing this for four more years and then the rest of my life, I just don’t see myself being a teacher. There! I finally said it! This decision has caused me so much heartache and anxiety about what I’m to do for the rest of my life and I’m unsatisfied with it. For me, theatre is and has been such a huge part of my life. I got into theatre during my Junior year of high school and the love for it has literally consumed every aspect of my life. And I just felt like I was making myself fit into this model of being a teacher and I now realize that’s not who I am. So, I’m thinking about changing my major to Theatre. This is such a monumental, life-changing decision and the only thing that is calming me through this sudden leap of faith is one Promise and Presence. I’m a very religious person, but I don’t like to say that Christianity is a “religion”. It’s a relationship. I believe that God is my Father and through this process, He is there in every step, that is the Promise and Presence that I has comforted me during this difficult season. I realize that in making this decision I am going against my parents wishes (mainly my mother’s), since teaching rather than acting is a far more “safe” occupation in terms of getting a job. And while staying in that major, I thought I was doing the “right” thing. My life was set, my “destiny” was to become a teacher and for a while I was fine with that but still, I felt unhappy, unsatisfied, and absolutely denied of my passion (I was and still am not taking any theatre-related classes currently but will be next semester!). And one day, I just stopped in my tracks and said “I don’t want to be a teacher.” Mind you, I respect teachers immensely; they’re the reason why I first wanted to become a teacher and I love English but teaching it is a vastly different world.

So I leave you in suspense of my decision because I have not made it yet, but will let you know once it becomes final. I apologize that this was so jumbled and here and there but my mind is in the eye of a hurricane, all is calm but it doesn’t know what to do about the chaos that is outside. My posts will not be this serious most of the time but I just needed to get this off my chest. Thank you for reading and I will post again soon!

P.S. I was listening to this song on Pandora and about 30 seconds into it I realized I had heard it somewhere before and it was such a great joy to be able to find this song again! I read it was from the movie, The Secret Garden (1993), and it might be from that movie but I’m not sure… Anyways, I have a mystery to crack! Until next time 🙂


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